why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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