Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
