is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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