Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
