don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
