I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
