So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize