I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize