hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
