Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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