the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I would fuck him just for his dog
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He shit in the fireplace
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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