On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sober January is a disaster.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Use "feeling words"
Yay
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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