IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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