I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
