Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
