you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
