A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
