Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
