Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
