Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
