Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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