i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize