I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
