i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
