Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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