Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
