I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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