If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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