so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
