hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
