so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
