i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
