her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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