walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
