I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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