Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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