just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
