I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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