i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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