Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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