True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
