I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
