i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
