I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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