Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
