I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
