she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
