and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
