I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
