I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
