just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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