Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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