I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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