i barfeds in our rink
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
