someone get that fucking seahorse.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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