i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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