We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
