if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
