for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's always time for handjobs
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize