You're my little dorito
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
