So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
