dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
