also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
