honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
