I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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