Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
