He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I just sharted jello shots
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
