I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Found the puke drawer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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