I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
