Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
