how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
