I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im six kinds of drunk right now
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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