If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
