SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
