Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
