Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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