this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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