Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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