508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
