well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
