I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize