nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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